From the brink of Disaster to Paradise(Eric Staal) Day 40-A Second Meeting

We had a special delivery today. One of the hockey wives had given birth to her first child. I was the only one working in the nursery at the moment and when her husband arrived to see the baby I was shocked to see him there too. They scrubbed up and I handed cam Ward his daughter. I walked to the fridge to get her bottle and handed it to Cam as well. While he fed her I went over to wash the dishes left by the previous shift. While I wash the coffee mugs I noticed that he was beside me drying them. I looked at him and he smiled.

“Nice shirt,” he said. I looked down at the Hurricane t-shirt I wore under my smock.

“It was the only shirt I had clean,” I teased. His booming laughter filled the room and my heart fluttered.

“Are you doing anything tonight?” he asked.

“Not that I know of,” I answered.

“Good, you’ll have a ticket waiting for you at Gate 3.” He dried the last mug and then went to talk with Cam. I stood frozen at the sink for at least 2 minutes before going to put the little girl in Cam’s arms back to bed. The rest of the day I couldn’t stop smiling. Had Eric Staal asked me out? No he just saw that I was a fan and invited me to see his team play. When Maria came to relieve me from my shift she just smirked as I rushed to sign out.

Stopping quickly at my apartment to change, I made my way to the arena headed for Gate 3. I thought I blended into the crowd pretty well. I wore jeans, a canes sweatshirt, and a hat with the number 12 on it. I got my ticket from the call office and made my way to my seat. When I got there I was pleasantly surprised at the location. It was lower bowl, center ice, across from the benches. I was even more surprised at who they were next to. Now I may not have followed the NHL very closely but I could guarantee that my seat was next to Henry and Linda Staal, Eric’s parents. I slid into my seat hoping they would ignore me. My wish was granted, at least during the game it was. Along with my ticket was a locker room pass and a note that said ‘show up or else :)’. I dilly-dattled to the locker room so that the guys had plenty of time to shower and dress. When I got there I was let in immediately. Eric’s parents were talking to Cam congratulating him on the shutout and new baby. Eric was tightening his tie and when he saw me he gave me a big hug.

This is what it means to be held (Held-Nathalie Grant)

“You came,” he said. I nodded, blushing when I noticed his mom’s gaze on our encounter. I felt awkward the rest of the night and escaped as soon as I could saying I was tired and had to work early.

From the Brink of disaster to paradise(Eric Staal)-Day 35 A peek of the future

The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow(Held-Nathalie Grant)

I walk through the gardens everyday. It gives me a piece of mind. No matter how stressed or emotional I feel, it always relaxes me. Normally they are empty and I am left with my thoughts. Today, however, it was full of children from the cancer ward laughing and having fun. I couldn’t help but smile slightly hearing them. As I turned the corner I discovered the cause of the laughter. Today was one of the visits from the Carolina Hurricanes who came 2 or 3 times a year. I was sitting on my normal bench when one of the kids whose mom had just had a baby ran over. She pulled me to my feet and dragged me over to meet the man she had been talking to. She was jumping up and down as she introduced us. He was Eric Staal one of the star centers. We talked about crazy things while playing with the kids. It’s too bad I’ll never see him again.

From the brink of Disaster to paradise-Day 29 Love and Support(Eric Staal)

I started back to school. I am expanding to learn sports therapy. Between that and work I am busy but yet I still wish I had my baby to take care of. It’s hard to get out of bed everyday. The women I work with are amazing help though. They pray for me and offer support. My boss, Maria, knows what it’s like to lose a child. She lost her daughter to a drunk driver 2 years ago. It was very hard she says and she’ll never forget her daughter but she had to move on with her life. She says it gets easier not just day by day but month by month. Slowly the pain will slip away and what’s left will be honor and remembrance.

This hand is bitternessWe want to taste it andLet the hatred numb our sorrows (Natalie Grant-Held)

From the Brink of disaster to Paradise-Day 15 Moving on(Eric Staal)

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life (Natalie Grant-Held)

Things are starting to look up. Though I think about my baby every day, I am starting to move on. I just got a job as a nurse in the nursery at the hospital. On my break I slowly walk through the garden, reflecting on all that had happened. I remember 9 months ago, telling my parents that I was going to be a mommy. They freaked and pretty much disowned me. I was left to finish my semester at UNC with no financial support. My boyfriend wanted nothing to do with me. In fact he wanted me to get an abortion but I refused. He even threatened to take me himself. I was scared but I knew I needed this baby as much as it needed me. I placed a restraining order against him. Lot of good that did me.

This job is hard. Seeing new mothers with their babies makes me wish even more that I still had mine. It’s hard but I know God as a plan for me. As long as I believe in him and do my share of the work I know he will provide.

From the brink of disaster to paradise-Day 4 Closure Begins(Eric Staal)

Drip, Drip, Drip…

The rain just makes my day even worse. Today is my baby’s funeral. I bought an entire box of tissues just for the service and another for the burial. I got up around 8 for the 10 o’clock service. I quietly showered and got dresses purposely not wearing a lot of makeup.

Coming home that first night was especially hard. My baby’s stuff scattered around the apartment. From bottles to diapers I was totally ready. Now it is just staring me back in my face and laughing. I can’t stand to go anywhere near the room I had designated as the nursery.

We're asking why this happens to us Who have died to live, it's unfair(Natalie Grant-Held)

The church service was amazing. The sermon was beautiful. The only bad thing is that it truly showed me how much I lost when I got pregnant. It was very lonely. We drove to the cemetery. I could barely see the road through my tears. As a last goodbye I took my son’s baby blanket and gently laid it over his tiny coffin. I was crying profusely. The funeral director handed me an envelope and I glanced inside. It contained a lock of his soft brown hair. As I walked away from the cemetery the sun began to peek through the clouds.

From the brink of disaster to paradise-Day one Disaster Strikes(Eric Staal)

“He’s gone,” the nurse told me. I collapsed into the chair just sobbing.

To think that providence Would take a child from his mother While she prays, is appalling. (Held-Natalie Grant)

“He can’t be gone, he was never really here.” “I just don’t believe it.” “Why, why did God take the only thing I had going for me.” My words became incomprehensible at this point. I was an absolute wreck. My baby boy was gone, and he was only 2 weeks old. I know I need to be strong but I just can’t. I’ve lost everything. The only hope I had left was in him and now that’s gone too. Feeling totally overwhelmed I grabbed my coat and rushed out the door.

The hospital garden. My home for the past 3 hours. I couldn’t stand it anymore. The sanitized smell, white bare walls, and the hustle and bustle of the hospital irked me to no end. No one should have to bury their child. And yet, that’s exactly what I would have to do.